The Latest News From Jackson Press –
Well, severe weather is moving thru central Ohio as I write this, which means that all the local news channels are going “LIVE” as they preempt normal programming to deliver real-time, up-to-the-minute weather reports to everyone in Ohio.
They’re LIVE, people! LIVE!! It’s got to be important if they’re LIVE!!! Right?!
Well, what this really means is that the weathered talking heads will continue to tell us the same thing over and over, in only a handful of different ways, for the next three hours as we watch bad flashing graphics depicting actual weather conditions everywhere in the state! They’ve evidently forgotten that old and proven journalistic advice – tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them. Then be done!
And I was so looking forward to that rerun of “Law & Order: SVU”!
Note – yes, I’m being facetious here. I’ve never suffered through an entire episode of Law& Order, as I’d rather watch something funny and slightly more uplifting on my television, instead of something “ripped straight from today’s headlines!” Today’s headlines are full of depressing tales about the sick and twisted deviants lurking in our populous. And until castration and public hangings are once again considered viable punishments, the deviants numbers will probably continue to grow. And, yes, I think the castrations should be public, too. And we could call for volunteers to perform the castrations! That’d bring out the deviants, wouldn’t it?
However, I digress. Back to the weather nutjobs.
Now the anchor for our local Fox news station is reporting on the weather, relieving the over-stimulated weatherman. Evidently it’s been a slow news day. He’s now telling me what to do if a tornado approaches, as if I never attended elementary school and practiced many, many tornado drills in my day. Hell, we still have tornado drills at work. And I find they are a great time to sneak out a fart or two amidst the cowering crowd, just to keep things entertaining!
Oh, and he’s advised me to leave my house trailer, should I be sitting in such a residence as I watch him prattle on. You know, house trailers as tornado magnets and all.
Thank God for Tivo, or at least for my Direct TV’s crappy equivalent. I’ve decided to take advantage of this lull in normal television programming to catch up on some motorcycle races stashed on my DVR (digital video recorder – the modern version of a VCR – video cassette recorder for those of you who might be a couple technology generations behind).
Well, I hear thunder in the distance and the talking heads are still excitedly chattering away about storm cells and rotations. Probably time to grab the weather radio, wind-up flashlight, some power bars, and the family, and head down to the basement to weather out the storm. I do believe the talking heads are advising us to huddle under the stairway, amongst all the dust bunnies and wolf spiders.
Or I could just let the kids and dogs stay asleep and step outside to enjoy Mother Nature’s light show.
Oh, and June 5th marks our second anniversary here at Jackson Press! Civil Servitude has entered the Terrible Twos!! Can we live up to the reputation?
Trying to not get struck by lightning whilst enjoying the lightning strikes!
