Light news from Jackson Press tonight.
I do believe a general lack of sleep is beginning to catch up with us, here at Jackson Acre.
Lack of sleep, you ask? Always poking your nose into things, aren’t you?
Yes, we’ve found it a bit hard to actually find a good night’s sleep around here lately. New sleep patterns and all, partially because of the new puppy, partially because it’s summer, and partially because the universe is secretly screwing with me.
You see, the first reason for our general tiredness (not quite tired enough to call it exhaustion) is due to our new Bowflex. We’ve started our Bowflex exercise routine, striving to reach that Bowflex body we’ve seen in all those commercials. Now we’re already probably in the best shape we’ve ever been in, even better than when we were twenty years younger, primarily because of all the drinking, smoking, and carousing done in our misspent youth. There’s a whole lot less carousing going on these days.
And there are several other factors contributing to our general lack of energy. Let me paint a picture of a typical night. First, we finally get to bed about midnight, after making sure the puppy has gone out for a final night-night potty. We usually lie awake for about twelve minutes, filled with dread over the thought of going in to work the next day.
About 3:30, the backup sump pump alarm will go off, always for no apparent reason and always loudly. It goes off so often around here that it’s a little like the boy who cried wolf. I don’t think the wife even hears it anymore. Last night the sump pump took the night off, so it’s role was covered by the dead batteries in the carbon monoxide detector, chirping to inform me of their impending death.
By 4:30, the puppy has to pee again. Usually the wife takes her out, since I have to get up to go to work in two hours and need as much uninterrupted sleep as possible. Puppy always comes back a little frisky after draining her bladder, so it take another twenty minutes before she finally settles down to sleep.
At 5:30, the birds all around the house here on Jackson Acre all start chirping, singing, calling, cawing, and crowing. I’m quite amazed that they all start up at the same time. And they’re quite loud, so they wake me up and I have to groggily reach up and shut the window, so I can get another hour of uninterrupted sleep.
At 6:30, my alarm clock goes off and the first waves of dread start washing over me, followed quickly by my brain choosing some inane song to play over and over in my head. See our essay on “Fake Plastic Trees” from last year.
I’ve also found that eating something after 10PM tends to disturb my sleeping capabilities. It’s about 10:30 and I’m munching on Cheez-Its. I wonder what we’ll dream about tonight?
Cheez-It! Cheez-It!
