Visions-R-Us

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I was trying to think of something funny to write about in today’s Jackson Press News and I’m coming up a little short.

I’m currently watching last night’s “Saturday Night Live”, which has been fairly amusing so far. This is saying quite a bit, because I personally think Saturday Night Live peaked back in the days when Chris Farley was falling down on the furniture and Adam Sandler was singing about The Lunch Lady. Actually, I think Saturday Night Live peaked even earlier than that, back in the Eddie Murphy days of Gumby and James Brown skits.

But we’ve already discussed Eddie Murphy, so we can’t go there again. And I’m wandering off on a tangent, now, so where were we?

I think watching Saturday Night Live is jamming my sense of humor, dumbing it down to the level of fart jokes. And now the wife has changed channels and we’re watching “Desperate Housewives”. Check that, the wife is watching “Desperate Housewives”, I’m just glancing up from time to time to see which housewife is doing what stupid thing.

The humor on “Housewives” is of the soap opera variety, which means it’s not as slap-sticky like Saturday Night Live. Housewife humor is kind of like knock-knock jokes, which I consider to be inferior to fart jokes, except when told by three-year-olds who have recently discovered knock-knock jokes and think they are the funniest things they’ve ever heard in their lives.

And that’s all the funnier when you realize that the three-year-olds have only been alive for three years, so their exposure to humor has been miniscule, at best. But they bring the humor in those knock-knock jokes to life when they recite them to you over and over and over and over and over.

For example –

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Don’t cry. It’s only a joke.

Or –

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Cargo.

Cargo who?

Cargo beep! beep!

And then there’s the way the three-year-old’s knock-knock jokes would eventual devolve to the point where they made their own jokes up. Here’s a glowing example.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Cat.

Cat who?

Cat-kitten.

And you know what? I laughed almost every time, because it was even funnier the way they would laugh at themselves after telling their goofy little jokes.

Future Comedy Writers Growing Up!

Find-A-Vision

The Latest News From Jackson Press -

Progressive Insurance has a new commercial out, another in their series of commercials that try to make one think that buying insurance is just like shopping at K-Mart, complete with flashing lights, ringing bells, and checkout girls with gaudy makeup and oversized fake eyelashes, looking like Elizabeth Taylor in the 1963 movie “Cleopatra”.

You know the one I’m talking about. You’ve had to have seen the other Progressive commercial, called “Checkout”, where said checkout girl rings a bell and announces into a PA that “We have a savings of $350! A savings of $350!!” Then she gives the customer lots of extra features that don’t cost anything and the customer says “wow”. Checkout girl quickly replies, “WOW!! I know! I say it louder.”

Well, the commercial that bugs me right now is their “Toys” commercial. You can find it here, on Progressive’s web page, labeled “Toys” (oddly enough). You can also watch “Checkout”.

In the “Toys” commercial, a couple are checking out with our gaudy, Cleopatra-esque Progressive checkout girl. The wife notices all the stuff the husband is buying and asks, “Honey, what’s all this?” She looks at the insurance packages and murmurs about the motorcycle, RV, and boat insurance hubby is buying, even though they don’t actually own any of those things.

Hubby then replies that, yes, actually he does have those things. Well, actually, they have them, referring to him and the wife, as if he is reluctantly sharing these toys with the misses now that she’s found out that he has them.

This makes the wife look understandably confused, since she obviously didn’t approve of such an expenditure! And we’ve got to be talking about at least $150K, right?! Have you priced RVs lately??

Obnoxious Cleopatra Progressive girl notices the wife’s confusion and in a daring bid to save the husband she yells “Surprise!”, thereby implying that hubby was buying these things as a surprise gift for the wife. Now everyone looks confused.

Personally, I think this really implies that hubby is sleeping with obnoxious Cleopatra checkout girl and that he’s buying the toys for her, as they prepare to run off together in the RV, seeing the country and living like hippies.

I think Progressive’s intended implied message is that hubby has saved so much money buying his insurance from Progressive that he had enough money left over to actually buy the motorcycle, RV, and boat he’s now insuring! Imagine saving that much on your insurance?!

Well, here’s the reality of Progressive insurance: I switched to Progressive for my motorcycle insurance. Guess how much I saved.

$150K? $150?

More like $15.

Where’s my obnoxious Cleopatra checkout girl ringing a bell and announcing my massive $15 savings over the store PA? How come I didn’t save enough to actually buy my motorcycle?

I’m feeling a little gypped. Maybe it’s time to shop around for insurance again …

I Say It Louder!!!